“Wizards !!!” - 2nd Edition

[created in a mental hospital by evelyn lura day]

HOW TO PLAY “WIZARDS !!!” (2nd Edition)

WHAT YOU NEED

• Deck of Cards
• Pen/Pencil & Paper
• Character Tokens
• 8 x 8 Grid (Such As A Chessboard)
• Printer (Optional)

ATTACK CARDS & DEFENSE CARDS

Hearts & Diamonds Numbers 1-6 Are Attack Cards. Spades & Clubs Numbers 1-6 Are Defense Cards. Shuffle Both Decks And Place Them Face Down At The Start Of Each Game. When A Player Attacks, They Draw From The Attack Pile. The Defending Player Will Subsequently Draw A Card From The Defense Pile. If The Attack Card Is Higher Than The Defense Card, Split The Difference And Deal That Much Damage. If The Attack Card Is Lower Than The Defense Card, All Damage Is Negated. Discard USED Cards Into Two Separate Piles. When Attack/Defense Cards Run Out, The Player Who Cleared The Deck Reshuffles The Discarded Cards, Places Them Face Down Once Again, And The Cycle Begins Anew. Meooww :3

Ranged Attacks And Ranged Specials Have A Range Of Three, Melee Attacks And Melee Specials Have A Range Of One. Items & Spells (Excluding +13 Candy Vorpal) Have Unlimited Range.

MA/MP/HP/AR

MA Stands For Movement Allowance. This Is Just How Many Squares The Player Character Can Move Per Turn. The Player May Move Vertically, Horizontally, Diagonally,,,y Diagonalmente. Moving Does Not Use Any MP (Mana Points).

MP Stands For Mana Points. It Costs One Mana Point To Drink A Potion, To Push (OR Pull), And To Use Your Melee Attacks. ALL Ranged Attacks And ALL Specials Costs 3 MP. Items Cost Whatever They Say They Cost In The Player's Guide (This)....

HP Stands For Health Points. When A Player’s Health Is Knocked To/Below Zero, They Die In Real Life.  And In Game Or Whatever.

AR Stands For Armor. It Functions The Same As HP But Cannot Be Replenished.

ITEMS & MAGIC

Hearts & Diamonds Numbers 7-10 Are Magic Cards. Spades & Clubs Numbers 7-10 Are Item Cards. Each Player Draws Two Item Cards And Two Magic Cards At The Start Of Each Game (At Random). Each Magic Card Corresponds To AAAA Spell/Magical Item, And Each Item Card Corresponds To……. An Item :)

Set Unselected Items/Spells To The Side Until The Game Ends.

ITEMS

7 of spades - (x2) Molotov Cocktails [Draw Attack Card And Multiply By Two. Deal This Much Damage To The Opposing Player. Ignore Defense. Costs 2 MP.]

8 of spades - (x1) Dragon ["Erm... Is That A Mother Fucking Dragon?" Draw Attack Card. If The Card Is Between One And Three , Take 999 Damage, If It Is Between Four And Six, Deal 999 Damage To ALL Other Players. Costs 3 MP.]

9 of spades - (x3) Poison Hurlbat [Deals One C6 [Attack Card] Damage Initially. Once Hit , The Opposing Player Will Start Losing 3 HP At The Start Of Every Turn. Can Stack. Poison Effect Goes Away If Any Healing Item Is Used/The Player Dies And Is Revived. Costs 2 MP.]

10 of spades - (∞) +13 Candy Vorpal [Draw Attack Card And Add Thirteen. Odds = Take This Much Damage. Evens = Give This Much Damage. Ignore Defense. Range = 1. Costs 1MP.]

7 of clubs - (x2) KOH [Draw Attack Card And Multiply By Three. Take And Deal This Much Damage.  Ignore Defense. Take Additional Six Damage  At The Start Of Your/The Other Player's Next Turn. Costs 2 MP.]

8 of clubs - (x1) Mystery Potion [Mystery Effect On Self. Draw Defense Card And Refer To The Mystery Potion Table.  Costs 2 MP.]

9 of clubs - (x1) Piranha Solution  [Draw Attack Card And Multiply By Four. Take And Deal This Much Damage. Ignore Defense. Ddddcosts 3 MP.]

10 of clubs - (x1) NUKE [Draw Attack Card And Multiply By Six. All Players Take This Much Damage. Ignore Defense. Costs 3 MP.]

MAGIC

7 of hearts - (x1) Fairy In A Bottle  [If Health Is Knocked Down To/Below Zero, Instead Of Dying, The Player’s HP Is Restored To 13. ((PASSIVE)).]

8 of hearts - (x1) Evil Fairy In A Bottle [If Health Is Knocked Down To/Below Zero, The Player Draws An Attack Card, If The Card Is Between Two And Six, The Player Dies In Game And Spontaneously Combusts In Real Life. If The Player Draws A One, They Come Back With 1 HP,  13 Shield, 1 MA, 1 MP And And A (∞) Modifier To All Attacks. (HP Can No Longer Be Replenished) ((PASSIVE)).]

9 of hearts - (x1) Heal [Heal 15 Points. Eat The Rich. Costs 2 MP.]

10 of hearts - (x1) Orb Of Destiny [Draw Attack Card. If It Is The Six Of Hearts, Win The Game… If It Is Any Other Card, Take 1,000,000 Damage. Costs 3 MP.]

7 of diamonds - (x2) Mystic Missile  [Draw Attack Card And Multiply By Three. DO NOT Ignore Defense. Costs 2 MP]

8 of diamonds - (x1) Mystery Scroll [Mystery Effect On Self. Draw Attack Card And Refer To The Mystery Scroll Table.  Costs 2 MP.]

9 of diamonds - (x1) Dissolve Flesh [Deal 1C6 Damage Initially. Once Hit, The Opposing Player Will Start Losing  13 HP At The Start Of Every Turn.. Poison Effect Goes Away If Any Healing Item Is Used/The Player Dies And Is Revived. Range = 1. Cost = 3mp. ]

10 of diamonds - (∞) Orb Of Waterwalking [Player Can No Longer Be Knocked Off The Map. ((PASSIVE)).]

MYSTERY POTION TABLE

1 Weed Killer <<< viewer discretion seriously advised... -- Gain 3 MP,  Die At The Start Of Your Next Turn.

2  Lesbian Vampire Potion --  Gain Life Steal Ability (From Now On, Gain HP Equivalent To All Damage Dealt.) Take Double Damage From Fire Based Attacks (Dragon, Nuke, Molotov COCKtails, And Any Fire Wizard Attack.)

3  UWU Potion - Take 20 *Nuzzles You* Damage.

4  Magic Armor Potion -- Gain 20 AR.

5 Grandma Soup -- Full Heal.

6 Gay Potion -- Become (Or Remain) Gay In Real Life. Take 6 Homophobic Slur Damage. Receive +6 To Max HP.

MYSTERY SCROLL TABLE

1 UH OH Scroll -- Opposing Player Gains x3 Modifier To All Attacks.

2  Hydrophobe Scroll  --  No More Out Of Bounds Saving Throw. Player Becomes Eel Food Instantly If Pushed Off Map. Also They Have To Get Injected With Rabies IRL.

3  Incinerate Scroll -- Opposing Player Draws A Defense Card. If It's A One Or Two, They Survive And Take No Damage, If It's Any Other,,, They fuckiingng DIE.

4  Magic Armor Scroll-- Opposing Player Gains 20 AR.

5 Awmanwtf Scroll - Opposing Player Gains 30 Health.

6 :/ Scroll -- Opposing Player Takes 22 Damage But Gains 1 MA Permanently. Unless They Die Thennn I Guess They Don't Gain Any :/

CLASS & GENDER

All Classes Have The Push Ability. Push The Opposing Player Back One Square.  Range=1. Costs 1MP. The Pushee Can Only Be Pushed Back If Horizontal/Vertical To The Pusher. 

Each Face Card Represents The Class & Gender Of The Player. The Four Classes Are: Candy Wizard (SPADES), Eldritch Horror Wizard (CLUBS), Fire Wizard (HEARTS), And Force Wizard (DIAMONDS). The Three Genders Are Male (KINGS), Female (QUEENS), And Non-Binary (JACKS). Every Class Has Unique Skills And/Or Abilities. Gender Doesn’t Affect Anything. uwu - 

((((Everyone Starts With 2 Health Potions And 2 Mana Potions (+13HP And Plus 2 MP RESPECTFULLY.))))) It Costs 2 MP To Use A Potion :333

Candy Wizard (Spades) - No Ranged Attack, +3 To All Melee Attacks, 3 MA, 3MP, 29 HP, &&& 13 AR. Actions: Push, Lacerate, Drink Potion, Cast Spell, Use Item... // SPECIAL -- *Teleports Behind You* Lose 8 Health. Gain + 1 Attack Permanently. CAN Stack.

Eldritch Horror Wizard (Clubs) - Ranged Attack: Paralysis - Once Hit, The Opposing Player Cannot Move During Their Next Turn(They Can Still Attack, Use Specials, Spells, Items, Etc.), Gain Pull Ability (Costs 2MP.) (Pull Player Towards You One Square ((Yes, Diagonally Too.)) (Unlimited Range), 2 MA, 3MP, 30 HP,  &&& 11 AR. Actions: Paralysis, Push, Pull, Melee, Drink Potion, Cast Spell, Use Item, Be Gay... // SPECIAL --  Cosmic Pull - Pull Opposing Player STRAIGHT To You. You Gain 3 HP And The Opposing Player Loses 3 HP For Every Square They Are Moved.

Fire Wizard (Hearts) - Ranged Attack: Fireball - Ignore Opposing Player’s Defense Card, Deal Full Damage, 2 MA, 3MP, 33 HP,  &&&  9 AR. Actions: Fireball, Push, Melee, Drink Potion, Cast Spell, Use Item... // SPECIAL -- Denature Draw Attack Card And Double It ~ Deal That Much Damage To Every Player, ESPECIALLY Yourself.

Force Wizard (Diamonds) - Ranged Attack: The Force - Once Hit The Player Is Catapulted Back Two Squares(Same Rules As Normal Push, Player Will Only Be Pushed Back If Horizontal/Vertical To Attacking Force Wizard - If Hit Is Diagonal, Full Damage Is Delt, But The Opposing Player Remains Where They Are), Push Action Now Costs Zero Mana Points, 2 MA, 3MP, 30 HP,  &&&  15 AR. Actions: The Force, Push, Melee, Drink Potion, Cast Spell, Use Item... // SPECIAL -- Forceee Lightningggng Deal 6 Damage. Take 3 Damage.........................

Put Unselected Face Cards To The Side Until The Game Is OVER.

SCREECHING EELS

The Map Is Surrounded By A Baaasicallyyyyyyyyy Infinitely Vast Pool Of Water Stretching In All Directions. When The Player Is Knocked Off The Map, Their Body Is Submerged In This Water And Instantly Ripped Apart And Devoured By Thousands Of Hungry, Highly Venomous,  Screeching Eels. When The Player Is Under Threat Of Being Pushed Into The Water, They Draw A Defense Card. If The Card Is Even, They Manage Not To Fall Into The Water, And Remain Where They Are... If The Card Is Odd…..… ☠︎︎.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION  

• 2-4 Players.
• Players start in opposing corners. 
• Play a game of rock-paper-scissors (best 2 out of 3) to determine who gets to place their character token ... and take their turn first.
• Trans Women Are Women.
• Trans Men Are Men.
• Enbies Are Kewl. And Awesome :)

[cover art made by evelyn lura gay in the same mental hospital]